I read this book for a book club through my son's co-op preschool. The author, David Elkind, discusses the many ways in which children are hurried by parents, schools, and the media. As, my son's teacher said, "this is not a solutions book." He doesn't say don't let your children watch TV, don't get divorced, do homeschool your children or anything like that. He does give a really good review of child development and learning theories that can help parents decide what is appropriate for their child at what age.
One of the things that he talks about in the book is how as a country we tend to be stressed out and that people tend to be self-centered when they are stressed. He says that families with both parents working and single parents are especially susceptible to hurrying their children because of the multitude of demands they face everyday. This was somewhat self-affirming for me since I hadn't originally planned to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). I got pregnant during my first year of teaching and in the beginning thought I would take a couple of months off and then return to work. Then my husband and I started looking at our life and wondering where a child would fit in. I felt like I couldn't be a great mom and a great teacher at the same time. I felt like both areas would suffer. I know I would be stressed to the max if I was trying to do both, as I am already stressed by the demands of trying to meet the needs of two children, a husband, and a household.
Something else that hit home for me in this book was a short section on how some SAHMs use their children's accomplishments to measure their own achievement or success, and therefore try to raise little prodigies. I have not been so worried that I will push my children too hard, since I really am all about letting children learn at their own pace and through discovering the world around them. My problem is fearing that I will let my identity become too wrapped up in motherhood and that I will somehow lose myself in the process of giving everything I have to my children and husband. I feel the need to seek fulfillment from other sources, but that is not always easy with a four-year-old hanging on your leg and a one-and-a-half-year-old that doesn't want to ever be set down.
I think what will stick with me the most about this book is how Elkind says that it is very difficult to tighten control in the teen years if you have given too much freedom too soon. I think that piece of advice alone makes this book worth reading when your children are young. There is a really good section on how freedoms need to be balanced with age appropriate responsibilities, as well as expectations with appropriate supports.
2 comments:
I like this post. I finally REALLY looked around your blog and realized that you had taught third grade ( I have visited often, how did I miss that?). It gave me a better idea of your perspective. I am glad that you are getting fulfillment from being a full time in-home parent. It really is a blessing, isn't it? Jennifer
...it also makes me nervous about my spelling!
I'm going to check out this book. When my oldest (now 13) was little, the best advice I ever read was to give my child age appropriate boundries and the more responsible he became, the more priviliges he was granted.
I have four boys and one daughter and can see the enormous benefit of that advice.
PS You will not lose your identity while being a SAHM, I know from experience. Your children will reinvent who you thought you were, and you will be better for it. Cheesy, yes, but true.
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