I Hate Christmas--Just Kidding...Sort Of..

For some reason this holiday season has seemed particularly hectic. Part of it, I know, is because I'm in charge of the office party for my husband's business. I spent half an hour at the register in Wal-Mart on Tuesday while the poor clerk rang up $1200 worth of gift cards that are to be handed out to the employees at the Christmas party. Meanwhile, my son is whining that he's hungry and wants to go McDonald's, and my daughter is insisting on being held, but still continuing to fuss. I gave in and took the kids to McDonald's because I still had to drag them to another store to exchange something because I bought the wrong size. I have to say that McDonald's is evil in the way they hook kids from a very young age. JoyBaby, who is not quite 16-months, mind you, saw the little Strawberry Shortcake dolls in the display case and started pointed and saying "ooh, ooh!" So then weak mother that I am, I got her a happy meal of her own so that she could get the stupid toy that she was tired of by the time we got to the car. Speaking of being weak, I actually used "you better be nice because Santa is watching" on ImagiKid. I cringe every time I hear parents say that, because 1) do we really only want our kids to be nice so they get presents? and 2) even if they aren't nice, isn't Santa going to come anyway? I don't know any parents who really wouldn't put anything under the tree from Santa and then tell their kids it was because they didn't behave.

But I digress. Back to why I am less then jolly this year. I think part of it is because I would really like to just enjoy the season and create all kinds of great memories and traditions with my kids, but instead I'm too worried about getting everyone the right present and worrying the whole time about how much money I am spending. I also get stressed out thinking about how much stuff my kids will get from everyone and where I am going to put it all. I am hoping that tomorrow when the office party is over that all the stress will just melt away. My husband and I are planning on taking the kids to look at Christmas lights, to the Campbell House, and maybe even for a carriage ride downtown this weekend. Who knows? Maybe I will get to create some great family memories afterall (if my kids can forgive me for being such a grouch and dragging them in and out of a million stores this past week).

Some food for thought:

http://www.forbes.com/business/2006/12/04/christmas-spending-breakdown-biz_cx_lr_1205christmas_slide_4.html?thisSpeed=15000

(a break down of how much and what Americans spent in 2006)

http://americanresearchgroup.com/holiday/

(what Americans plan to spend this year compared with the last 10 years)

http://www.more4kids.info/569/christmas-tips-to-reduce-stress/

(helpful tips on how to destress at Christmas)

Mommy Guilt Part 2

First, I was very excited to get posts on my blog since I am new to this whole experience. Second, I have been thinking about my last post and how it sounded a little, I don't know... shallow. Yes, I do a lot as a stay-at-home mom, but who doesn't? I know that my husband has no idea how busy I really am, but he is also extremely busy himself and has his own worries. I think the reason I feel the need to list all my accomplishments is because I get so little feedback as a stay-at-home mom. There is really no one to evaluate what kind of job I am doing, and I certainly don't get a raise for a job well done.

As for the guilt I feel, I don't think I explained it adequately. Yes, I do feel guilty for taking time for myself that I could be devoting to my children, but I think it is more than that. I think the core of my guilt comes from the fact that I do not feel completely fulfilled by just being a mom and wife. I feel the need to be more. Before I got pregnant with my first, I desperately wanted to be a mom and felt like that would make my life whole.

I never pictured myself staying-at-home full time until about halfway through my pregnancy when I started calculating how many hours a day my child would be in daycare versus with his parents. Then I factored in all the time he would be with us, but we would be doing chores, errands, etc., instead of really paying attention to him. My husband and I both realized it would not work for our family for both of us to work full-time after our son arrived. We have made lots of sacrifices, including leaving California to find a cheaper area to live in, but we have made it work financially. Now, the problem is, I fulfilled my desire to create a family, but I took away another part of me that was central to my identity.

And it's not just that I want to be more, it's that I let that desire take over my thoughts to the point that it spoils the times that I should be enjoying my children and turns me into a grouchy and resentful person. Guilt can be a nasty cycle too--first you feel guilty about some stupid thing which puts you in a rotten mood, then because of your crappy state-of-mind you do something else to feel guilty about, and so on.

Apparently, I am far from alone in my feelings and frustrations. For more on "mommy guilt" go to :

http://anndouglas.blogspot.com/2006/04/mom-university-debra-gilbert-rosenberg.html

(this is an interview with the author of a a whole book on mothers' guilt)

http://www.mommysavers.com/moms-coffee-break/release-mother-guilt.shtml

(this website has some helpful tips on how to cope with it and how to realize when it's healthy guilt vs. unhealthy guilt)

http://truemomconfessions.com/

(this website doesn't deal so much with guilt, but rather is a forum for moms to say what they are really feeling and realize that they are not alone--which can help relieve a lot of guilt)