Extreme Parenting

Have you ever felt like parenting makes you a little crazy? Like maybe you obsessing too much over all the choices you have to make for your children? I feel much more sane after running across these two cases of Extreme Parenting, each from a totally different end of the parenting spectrum, I might add:

1. The Bumper Bonnet by One Step Ahead--a helmet for babies to wear while learning to crawl or walk. I'm all for baby gates and outlet covers, but seriously, are there really parents out there that are that overprotective? I don't feel too bad making fun of this, because I am planning on buying their embroidered swimming cover-ups for each of my children. I consider the sun a real threat, but on the other hand, I have been razzed for being a little too neurotic on that count.
2. Preschool Proms--I never knew such a thing existed until my friend Michelle from The Mama Chronicles was telling me about how there was one at her neighbor kid's preschool. I was shocked when I googled "preschool prom" at how many hits came up. I even found one site where it was mentioned that some of the preschoolers took a limo, and another that talked about the boyfriend troubles one little attendee had on the big night. I had heard of Baby Loves Disco before, but the the emphasis on those events seems to be children and their parents interacting and having fun together, not on forcing children to become mini-teens. My kids' preschool had an end-of-the-year ice cream social and all the kids performed songs like "5 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed."

I realize I am coming off as a tad bit judgemental here, so I apologize if I offened anyone. If you have a different take on either of these items, feel free to let me know!

Love and Logic

Awhile back, my son's co-op preschool offered a seminar on Love and Logic. The speaker was Winfield Kline, the son of Foster Kline--one of the co-authors of the book, which I guess has morphed into a whole movement of sorts. I had read the book a few years ago and really liked the idea of having logical consequences and giving children the freedom to make choices and mistakes. The book talks about how the price of a mistake is much lower when your children are young, and how you don't want to wait until they are sixteen to give them their first experience with making decisions. The love part comes in by adding empathy to all your dealings with your children, even when enforcing a consequence. For example, you might say, "I'm really sad for you that you can't have your friend over because you didn't get your chores finished in time."

The seminar was a good refresher for me because it reminded me of the things I did like about the book and has gotten me thinking about how to use them more in my parenting. I feel like too often I slip into just yelling because that is the easiest thing to do. It makes me feel bad though and really doesn't set a very good example of how to act when you are frustrated. In the seminar, Winfield Kline said that when you show your frustration and anger, you are letting your children push your buttons and control the situation. So, I am trying to take a step back and instead of getting upset over things, giving my son a choice between doing what he is asked to do or receiving a consequence. The problems with this is that 1) I'm not giving him real choices--choosing between doing what you were told and being punished is not much of a choice at all, and 2) I'm having difficulty coming up with logical consequences. I usually end up threatening to take away his tv time, which works pretty well, but is not giving him a feel for what making poor decisions is like in the real world. So I decided to to check out the Love and Logic website for some tips. I found two articles there:

Love and Logic Generic Consequence

What To Do When an Appropriate Consequence is Hard to Find

Both of them basically said that you should use household chores in place of a more logical consequence. As much as I like the premise of this method of discipline, I don't think it will work for me all of the time or in every situation. But, I guess it is like that with most parenting books and techniques. There is no one magical solution that will work for everyone all of the time or else everyone would be using it. You have to take what works for you and create your own recipe for raising your kids.

I recently finished reading Practically Perfect In Every Way , and the author, Jennifer Neisslein, talks about how self-help books (she includes parenting books in that genre) don't really work for most people, but I think that is only true to a certain extent. They may not work if you try to follow the book, which amount to someone else's philosophy, to a T. However, I think that you can take bits and pieces of them and improve your life in a way that is meaningful to you. For me, approaching parenting like I would any other challenge in life, means educating myself as much as possible. I will continue to do that, not because I think I will find the parenting bible, but because I think the more I know, the better able I'll be to find my own style.

In related news:

1) I did find one really great article on the Love and Logic website (it is really more of a poster or reminder sheet): Self Concept Builder and Stealers.

2) Check out my book review of Practically Perfect on Meg and Mag's Bookshelf.

Little People on the Road Summer Swap

Q: What is the quickest way to let your blog die?

A: Don't post anything for two weeks.

Q: What is the quickest way to revive it?

A: Host a swap!

My friend at The Mama Chronicles and I are hosting another swap for kids. It is going to be a travel themed swap for summer and it is going to have some neat twists, so check out the Little People on the Road Summer Swap and get all the info for how to sign up.

Procreation

Do you ever wonder, why do people choose to procreate when it means their entire life is going to become about somone else and their needs? Is it a biological drive embedded in our dna to continue the species? Are we trying to show our parents the "right" way to raise children? Is it the ideal of the perfect little American family?

I'm sure it is a little bit of a variety of reason for everyone, but for me the biggest reason is to be able to see the world anew again, through the eyes of my children and to find joy in the smallest of things. The other morning I was driving my son to preschool and he said, "Mommy, look! It's a school bus!" And strangely, I could feel his excitement at seeing a school bus, the most oridnary of things. Then there are the questions he constantly asks that challenge me everyday to think about the how and why of things that I would normally just take for granted. If my son brings wonder and amazement into my life, then my daughter brings joy and laughter. Everytime she hears music, she has to dance and she gets tickled at the slighest things and lets out these big belly laughs. My children remind me that there is more to life than getting things accomplished or running from here to there. They teach me how to enoy it.

The picture is an old one, taken shortly after my daughter's birth.

The Sisterhood of Motherhood

I started off wanting my blog to have a different personality than it does right now, but I think it would have to be a part-time job to make it into what I really envisioned it being. So, I will just have to settle for having it be mostly fluff and every once and awhile coming up with something that is somewhat thought provoking. I'm hoping this is one of those times, so without further ado, here is my post for the week:

My friend Michelle at the Mama Chronicles did a post awhile back titled People Join the Sisterhood of Motherhood. She basically said that parenting is hard enough as it is, without feeling judged by other moms or like you are in competition against each other. Since then, a few small events have occurred that made me think about her post.

The first event happened at my children's co-op preschool. One mother brought her younger son to family day with the older one like usual, only the younger one had a bad cough. She explained that it was bronchitis and not contagious. Apparently, one of the other mothers didn't hear the explanation or didn't trust the other mom and made a big stink about it to the teacher. The teacher then made the mom with the sick child feel bad for bringing him. The situation was not handled very compassionately and the mom with the sick baby left feeling totally unsupported and told me later that she had doubts about coming back.

The second event is much more uplifting. If you read my blog regularly or know me in real life, you know that I have a daughter that has some special needs. A few days ago I got an e-mail from another co-op mom (not mentioned above) telling me what a great job I do dealing with my daughter's issues and what a great example I am to other mothers. This person has quietly given me support for some time, so this was just icing on the cake. Things like that tend to stick with me and give me strength when I really need it.

I have realized that we as mothers have the ability to make this job harder for one another or easier. We can be judgemental, or we can be accepting. We can can make each other feel isolated, or we can make each other feel supported. It doesn't matter if you are a stay-at-home mom, a working mom or somewhere in between, we are all doing our best as moms and we should be able to count on each other. So, on the eve of Mother's Day weekend, I would like to invite every mother who reads this, to join the Sisterhood of Motherhood. Besides just honoring your own mother, think about how you can reach out and let another mom know that you are there for her or make her load just a little bit easier to bear. I would like to end by sharing the acrostic poem that my friend, Michelle, wrote in her inspring post (I hope she doesn't mind):

Many different things in different homes
One sisterhood
Togetherness
Hugs
Empathy
Respect
Indebtedness
Nice words
Grace

Happy Mother's Day!

BTW, the hands are my great-grandmother's, grandmother's, mother's, mine and my daughter's.

May Day, May Day!

A very good friend of mine sent me these today, for no other reason than to say Happy May Day and that she misses me (she lives across the state so we don't see each other as much as we'd like). It reminded me of when I was a kid and my mom would have my brother and I leave flowers, usually lilacs off our bushes, on our neighbors' doorsteps on May Day. We would ring the bell and then run away. So, I thought my son might have fun delivering some flowers of his own. Thankfully, we live close to a greenhouse so it was a snap to grab some flowers and pots. We left one for each of my nieces to find after school and one for my mother-in-law to find after work. My son really did get a kick out of secretly delivering flowers and anticipating how excited the recipients would be. Here is what ours looked like:

Happy May Day!!

A Thursday Meme

7 Randon Things About Me:

1) I recently started working from home, about 5 hours a week, for my husband's moving company. I handle claims, which means when someone's furniture or property gets damaged during their move, I try to make it right again. People either love me (because their stuff get fixed) or hate me (because I have to deny their claim).

2) I often have feelings of being a bad mom, but then I look at my kids and see how happy they are most of the time. I have to say to myself, "extend some grace to yourself, you are not perfect, but you are doing a pretty good job."

3) I have a new nephew!! He was born a week and a half ago. I have not seen him yet, other than pictures. I am waiting to go make a visit until the new parents get settled a little.

4) I am a die hard ER fan. I think I started watching around 2003. Then after I had my son, I started watching all the reruns on TNT while I was stuck to the couch nursing my little guy around the clock. I think I have seen every episode ever made.

5) I have a really great husband. He is super busy with work, but still makes time to spend with the kids and me and has sacrificed his own hobbies to do so. He is very supportive of almost anything I do, and after 12 years of being together, he still makes me feel beautiful.

6) I have a fear of fire, particularly that my house will catch on fire while my family is sleeping in their beds. I know the root of this fear--my aunt and uncle's home burned to the ground when I was about eight. They got out okay, but some of their animals did not. I remember watching the story on the news. Still, knowing the root of my fear, does not make it go away. Maybe I should be hypnotized or something.

7) Housework is the bane of my existence. I envy people who actually seem to enjoy cleaning or have some motivation that has escaped me.

I think I have a pretty random list there. Now the hard part, tagging 7 more people. This is especially hard since I haven't been a very goody bloggy friend lately (see number 1 above) and don't want to just pop onto someone's blog and tag them after not having visited for awhile. So, I will just say if you are reading this, you are tagged. If you don't have a blog, leave a list in the comments (it doesn't have to be as detailed as mine) or post them on your myspace page.