Mommy Guilt

I was reading another blogger's posting about how every mother always feels guilty no matter what. How we always feel that we are not doing enough or that we're not doing the right things. This really hit home for me, because I get a sick feeling in my stomach just about every day thinking about whether or not I am really paying enough attention to my children. I feel guilty for checking my e-mail, trying to read an article in TIME or talking to a friend on the phone. It's not that I don't love playing, reading, creating, etc. with my children, because I find great joy in those activities, but not all the time. I need to do things that require some complex thought or that give me interaction with other adults or I would probably go insane. In an effort to feel less guilty, I have decided to write down my priorities as a stay-at-home mother and homemaker.
1) Feed them nutritious food, bathe them, put clean clothes on them, comb their hair, brush their teeth and otherwise take care of their basic physical needs
2) Make sure my children feel loved every day--hug them, kiss them, say "I love you", smile at them
3) Make sure my children feel important--spend time with them, listen to them, answer their questions, partake in their interests (even if that means pretending to be a superhero or playing with plastic dinosaurs on the train table)
4) Work with Joybaby on on her physical therapy
5) Take them to all their activities and appointments (preschool, physical therapy, soccer class, swimming)
6) Make sure the bills are paid, errands are run, important phone calls are made, important paperwork is filled out and basically make our home life run smoothly
7) Clean the house and teach my children some organization skills in the process, also do the grocery shopping and laundry, which make #1 above possible
8) Serve on two boards-one for our co-op preschool, the other for our family business and also fulfill my other duties associated with those positions

Whew!!! When I really write it all down like that, I really do a lot. Yes, I am patting myself on the back, but my point is that I accomplish most of those things on a regular basis, with housework getting the short end of the stick, so I should not feel guilty. My kids know they are loved and valued. JoyBaby is very happy and musical and social. ImagiKid is thoughtful and imaginative and loving. I am doing a good job and my kids get to be with their mom everyday!

By the way, check out http://www.salary.com/aboutus/layoutscripts/abtl_default.asp?tab=abt&cat=cat012&ser=ser041&part=Par481 to see what a stay-at-home mother is worth in dollars. There is even a link that allows you to make a "paycheck" and "pay stub" for yourself or another deserving mom.

P.S. Hereafter I will refer to my daughter as JoyBaby and my son as ImagiKid. I have wanted to keep their names annonymous on this blog and have found that other bloggers use cute nicknames to refer to their children and decided to adopt the habit myself.

Healthcare Crisis Hits Home ...or How To Avoid Your True Problems

This post was originally going to be about how I think I am getting ripped off by my health insurance company, until I really started doing the math. Recently, my 14-month-old daughter has started physical therapy. She has loose tendons and joints in her knees and ankles, making her feel unstable and preventing her from crawling or walking. Physical therapy costs about $200/visit or $800/month. My husband and I will have to pay a $1000 deductible before our insurance will kick in, and then the insurance will pay up to $1500. So, our daughter will receive about 2 months of "free" physical therapy, and then we will have to begin paying out of pocket again or relying on the state to help us with alternative sources of funding. This made me irate at first, until I realized that if the insurance company continued to pay for my daughter's therapy every month, they would be paying out the exact amount that we pay in each month for our entire family's health care coverage.

So I guess my anger should really be directed at the hospital that provides the physical therapy for charging such an exorbitant amount. I know the physical therapist doesn't make $200/hr and even if you figure in overhead, someone somewhere is making an awful lot of money off of our family's misfortune.

It seems like all we hear about lately is how our health care system is broken in this country. It seems like there are stories about it in the news everyday. It is easy to tune all that out after awhile, until it hits home. Here are a few quick facts:

• Health insurance for a family of four averages about $10,000/year
• The cost of health insurance as gone up 36% since 2000. Average earnings have gone up 12.4%
• There were 47 million uninsured people in this country in 2006

For further reading:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A55301-2004Sep27.html

http://www.familiesusa.org/

http://www.census.gov/prod/2007pubs/p60-233.pdf

In the interest of being honest with myself and others, I should admit that all this energy spent on being angry at the insurance companies, the health care system, etc. is probably a way to avoid dealing with the more important issue at hand. I am not sure how to cope with having a child that is not "normal." No one expects this to happen to them, at least I didn't. How do I deal with people who act surprised when I tell them how old she is? What if the physical therapy doesn't work? What if she doesn't develop normally in other areas? Is this somehow my fault? I don't want to seek out the answers to my questions yet, so I have spent my time reading up on the health care system in America.

Less Government

On Thursday I got a letter from the mother of a friend from college, let's call her Jan. My husband and I attended the same church as Jan and her husband "Dan" during college. They immediately started a family after college and now have four children. They visited us this summer, while Jan was still pregnant with their fourth child. They were obviously wonderful parents and their three girls appeared very happy and healthy. Okay, back to the letter: it stated that Jan and Dan's newborn son had not been able to gain weight after his birth, despite multiple visits to lactation consultants, dietitians, several pediatricians and a four day stay in the hospital. Recently, Jan and Dan decided to change pediatricians again in search of someone who could help them better understand all the different pieces of advice they've been given. When they cancelled their upcoming appointment with their current pediatrician he reported them to CPS. CPS then removed all four of their children from their home. The girls were returned to them after only a weekend, but their infant son has been in foster care for nearly a month. My husband and I are outraged that the government can come in and take a child away from his loving and capable parents at the suggestion of a doctor on an ego-trip.

A good friend of mine was recently surprised to find out that I generally vote Republican, even though many of my views could be considered liberal. This case is exactly the reason--I believe we need less government interference. If CPS could come and take away Jan and Dan's kids, they could take anybody's kids away. Parents should have the right to change their children's doctors and act in what they feel is the best interests of their children without fear of the government stepping in and ripping their babies from their homes.